anthony
Terra9Incognita
Posts: 1,537
Enneagram Core Fix: 9w1
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Post by anthony on Oct 30, 2020 12:57:41 GMT -5
Almost everyone, if not everyone, who finds themselves here already knows my current type configuration, including its confidently ascertained and ambiguous/questionable aspects.
Please put any agreements, disagreements, proposals/changes, or insights that you have regarding it here.
My current opinion: 9w1(1w2)-5w6(x)-3w4(4w5) sp/sx-->so/sp
Some recent videos:
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anthony
Terra9Incognita
Posts: 1,537
Enneagram Core Fix: 9w1
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Post by anthony on Oct 31, 2020 22:06:49 GMT -5
Okay, this has been an issue for some time now. I and others have vacillated between various possibilities for what stacking I could have, ordering of fixes, and the subwings. There's reason, well-formulated and thorough or not, for all of these possibilities. In part, the clarity around issues regarding my typing was somewhat muddled due to my eating disorder, which I delved into the meat of this system with, along with the changes and developments during the recovery process, now closing to an 'end.' Roshan , vincent , adrian , and I discussed and came to a tentative conclusion about my full configuration today. To spare the suspense O.O it's this: so/SP-->sp/sx 9w1(1w2)-5w6(4w5)-3w4(4w5). This post is primarily going to be used to relay, add upon, and explain the ideas discussed in the chat, in tandem with all(or at least all I can remember) of the ideas discussed in the past. The first, pithiest, and least controversial topic of discussion overall is the order of my last two fixes - 5w6 and 3w4. For a brief moment over the summer, there was a phase in which Robin had believed me to be 3 second in light of the arisen 'shame issues' with respect to my eating disorder and relationship with my ex-girlfriend, generalized vanity, and certain interpersonal/social issues related to my withholding of information that caused me to occasionally lie(deceit), both straightforwardly and by omission. This idea quickly died out upon the (re)realization of the degree of my overall 5ishness, which for the people reading, likely requires little or no explanation. For most of my life, including presently, I am not and have not been particularly image-oriented, skilled in creating, maintaining, and displaying images in comparison to most who are 3 second or leading. The most controversial issue is that of my stacking, so I'm going to outline the points discussed in the chat as they happened, and add to them if I feel I need to: -First off, if my stacking is sp/sx, then my second fix is 5w6(6w7). If it's Sx last, then my second fix is 5w6(4w5). The reasons for this have not been verbally outlined. This is also an idea that multiple people reading this post have and will agree with, which I believe is likely for energistic reasons in tandem with comparisons of me to other exemplars of Sx last 5w6(6w7) fixers with similar configurations to me. I will further elucidate this later. -Secondly, my 5w6 fix is very very strong. According to the theory of stacking ranges and stack-fix correlations, the strength of my 5w6 fix would imply a 'second variant' stacking(something like sp/SO, sp/SX, so/SP, etc). In line with this, I find it highly unlikely that I'm sp/SX('decadent'), which pulls from Sx/So, when comparing myself to other sp/SX exemplars and isolating the instincts, along with the fact that...Sx/So is not at all a stacking I or anyone else has/would consider(ed) for me, and sp/SX would imply that 'Sx/So-ishness' would shine through much more strongly. If I am in fact sp/sx, it should be SP/sx, moving into So/Sp. However, comparing myself to somebody like adrian who is SP/sx(among other SP/sx's), there is a far more inscrutable, chthonic, cocooned nature to this stacking. -so/SP fits all of the points in theory. It maintains the so/SP-->sp/sx stream, pulls up the 5w6, and also strengthens the last fix(3w4) as well. It also accounts for why I was 'confused'(or maybe not) for Sp/So. However, considering the stackings within each flow(syn and contra) themselves...I visibly fit and internally resonate with more of the specifically So/Sp and Sp/Sx stacking themes and behavior, as opposed to any of the synflow ones. I feel and have felt this MORE consistently than I've felt myself relate to the synflow stacking themes/behaviors. Keeping in line with the variant theory, if I were synflow, I'd have to be either sx/SP, so/SX, or sp/SO. None of these really fit. -Overall, it makes sense that, if I am So/Sp, this accounts for the sixishness and oneishness, likely making me 5w6(4w5) fixed(which I have a list of tentative, experiential reasons for that ARE different from what I've heard and seen of 5w6(6w7) fixers) and 3w4(4w5) fixed. -so/SP is not necessarily socially savvy in the way that so/sx is. -I do not have the sp/sx predator LOOK, so if I were sp/sx I'd be sp/sx prey. -Another possibility within reason is SP/sx-->so/sp, but I don't really have that strong of an Sp wall in comparison to other SP/xx moving backwards(into either Sx/Sp or So/Sp). -From adrian : "This could be the strong 1 influence on the wing mixed with 3w4 or a possible so/sp influence, but as someone close to Anthony's generation he does posses a sort of refinement and elegance I don't see in males in his or my generation. It's not a classicist type of elegance but there's definitely a dignified air that's not quite developed yet due to age but is something that could be easily cultivated over time." -I have complained of being blind to both Social and Sexual cues/signals. But it's unlikely that Sp/Sx would have complained about not noticing who is banging whom, who is after whom, in light of Taylah cheating on me. -Occasionally, my tone becomes quite imperious. "This is the law." I would do this a lot more if I felt more knowledgeable and/or capable of self-assertion than I currently do, although, my self-assertion as of recently has been “amped” up quite a bit compared to a while ago, and has served myself and others well I think. I still have a LONG ways to go, though. Anyways, the IMPULSE to do that comes up a LOT. And if not direct assertion...then the buildings(social 'edifices') crumble by my lack of input(that’s the FEELING, as grandiose as it sounds). It’s not something I realized I did until these career issues started coming up. There was this sense of being forced into a directly involved, cooperative position that felt opposed to how I saw myself “approaching” the world. And then recognized that even as a child/in high school, one of the reasons I struggled to maintain friendships was because I would approach people from an “oppositional” angle, as if indirectly prompting change, which I started to think was an indicator for counterflow. -In Enneatude, I was the one who always wanted to write about the dangers of typing and it's individual/community effects, and I was the one who made google/whereby hangouts. I took a certain 'umbrage' that the other members in the group really didn't upon Erica's announcement of the group's closing. I tried to warn that if Erica closed ET when she did, that her new site would fail. I analyzed the situation in terms of the logistics and also the logistics vis a vis the platforms. There was a strong sense that an enterprise that had been cultivated laboriously would fail leaving a void. I was officious about it, "the fools can't see the way it is. I will discuss this with her." I am the one who makes videos about the Neoplotinian conception of the cosmos and its relationship to the system, and 'comes downs upon' others with what I've gathered and learned independently, all in an attempt to actually change everyone's approach to and view of the Enneagram. I was the one who gathered TwFP members, when initially learning, to make a video about counterphobic 6 versus 8 in an attempt to rectify misconceptions. -There is very much a "Moses and the tablets" element to all of this^. Also, overall, there is the sense that I am most likely either doing that, in the process of it, or hiding out and 'seeping' from a lair/den. Indicating major So/Sp and Sp/Sx themes, unlikely to be found in other stackings. -Sometimes, I seem to have a very clear birds eye social view. Though the impulse to have that birds eye, wider social view, about “topics”(less directly personal) is pretty much always there. For instance, I'm far more likely to see the in depth effects of typing dangers actually play out and attempt to do something about it, than remember who said what at what time in the group chats, or even try to "cross pollinate." -The Sp/Sx's we can think of, the ones we know, aren't likely to write screeds about, or perhaps even care about "changing the atmosphere with their voice" in this particular way. The only exception to this(sort of) is adrian , an SP/sx-->So/Sp, who isn't likely to want to be the one "carrying down the tablets" - it would be more personal. -I THINK BIG. I have 'big' dreams(though often repressed), 'big' ideas, and 'big' visions. I do so in a way unlikely to be seen in synflow stackings, and there's also a "birds eye view" element to it. -Overall, I certainly feel at the very least that the So/Sp<-->Sp/Sx stream is the most plausible of typings. Especially compared to something like sp/SO, which Rian referred to as a 'grounded So/Sx' and I agree. It's a natural belonger. -I am very very very Sp 5ish and really very Sx 3ish. This coalesced over a long period of time for Robin. There is the sense that I consciously construct walls(as opposed to just having a heavy contained wall and a 'poker player' face as an Sp dom would), and use those walls to cultivate a sense of self-protection from external, brutal, forceful sources of harm. Sp 9 is also less likely, as Sp 9 is also generally, and more often than I, comfortable in their own skin, and very "push and shove," grumpy. It's not "imperious." There is an assertiveness to it, not particularly present in me. -More from adrian : "Anthony doesn't have a hauteur per se (like you said Se PoLR doesn't really posses that) but a sort of dignified separateness. Enfant extraordinaire." I suspect that there's plenty I forgot to add to this post in the midst of writing it, but I will add more to it as I remember. Credit to jastyne , who got to this typing before anyone else did. As much as I grudgingly, excruciatingly despise being incorrect, I very reluctantly, emphasis on the reluctance, hand over "thanks" and a *smile. Lol. (a joke btw lol)
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hiddenglass
Swallow
lay me to rest, take me to sea // read my mind… let me be.
Posts: 179
Enneagram Core Fix: 5⁴
Relationship Status: searching
Occupation(s): idling
Education: ongoing
Interests: growing
Country/Region: chicago
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Post by hiddenglass on Nov 1, 2020 4:52:03 GMT -5
hey we're instinct twins now
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Post by vincent on Nov 1, 2020 11:18:43 GMT -5
hey we're instinct twins now
He is MY double (4w5) twin now !
anthony i came late to the party during that discussion. i'll have to process it all and will reply soon.
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anthony
Terra9Incognita
Posts: 1,537
Enneagram Core Fix: 9w1
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Post by anthony on Nov 1, 2020 14:37:12 GMT -5
Things I’ve thought about and wanted to add: - During my ED, and just in general throughout the course of my life actually, I’ve almost always thought about events/circumstances having to do with myself and others as having, in some metaphorical(though often literal) sense, came from “god” to the point where I’ve ruthlessly criticized his/its design and have tried to actually “outsmart” or defeat it — nearly, if not to the point of legitimately Schizotypal delusion, because I’m thinking about it in those terms. “God/The structure of the world(or society) hates me/is unfair/etc” have never ‘just’ been figures of speech for me. -Concerning the subwings, I've thought about 5w6(4w5) before as you all know, and do have genuine, consistent, and lasting (primarily experiential) reason for this. Roshan has referred to 5w4 specifically as 'disoriented,' as in wandering, lacking a center or orientation, and 5w6(4w5) as 'mildly disoriented,' or perhaps 'unfettered' in a way that their more consistently cooperative and collegial 5w6(6w7) cousins really aren't. I'm inclined to believe this fits. Most of my experience in groups both online and offline, miniscule as a facebook groupchat and large as the generation of people near my age, has been tainted with a certain existential alienness - whether or not it's actually the case, I often experience myself in groups, small or large, as though the people within them have lived many lives together that I haven't. They instinctively understand the depths of and experience a certain familiarity with one another that I'm lost on. In the face of this, my tendency has not been to speak the language of the group or adapt in ways that stimulate coordination. I'll tend to learn the language over time via watching and understanding from somewhat of a distance, which is to say, there does lie an awareness of the collective pool, and I'll possess a general schematic of how it all works, but there is just enough, more than enough, alienation from engagement in the 'culture' of that group, precisely because I lack a specific, 6ish loyalty, or orientation. -I do tend to float around a bit in actual groups, privately fascinated by, and often hateful of them. I'll tend to make my voice heard from within them, often doling out screeds about what I know or what I've experienced, and while often substantive and important if I say so myself, are fissuring for the groups. They'll tend to 'tear down' as opposed to 'build up.' -5w6(4w5) is like an alchemist in a lab. I'll get into the sciences and structure of the arcane, and slowly pool from different sources and influences, ultimately adding to my perspective which tends to have the purpose of becoming distinctive, iconoclastic in some form or fashion as perceived by myself. There's a seeking of omniscience(5), eventually 'finding' it, and using those ideas in some way to differentiate myself from the Holy Origin. "Omniscience" in my case, I believe, is also expression of "me, myself, and I." It's not at all to the degree of an actual 5w4, but it tends to be quite close. -If this configuration is correct, there's quite a lot going on. --- I'm in alpha quadra, Fe seeking(TiNe). --- Double attachment, 9 and 3. --- Double (4w5) and a counterflow stacking. So, there's going to be quite a bit of push-pull in regards to groups, people in general. And as stated above, a general awareness of the collective pool and a schematic of how it all works, despite being quite existentially alienated from it.
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Post by Roshan on Nov 2, 2020 19:36:05 GMT -5
The first, pithiest, and least controversial topic of discussion overall is the order of my last two fixes - 5w6 and 3w4. For a brief moment over the summer, there was a phase in which Robin had believed me to be 3 second in light of the arisen 'shame issues' with respect to my eating disorder and relationship with my ex-girlfriend, generalized vanity, and certain interpersonal/social issues related to my withholding of information that caused me to occasionally lie(deceit), both straightforwardly and by omission. Well during the brief moment didn't you also advocate for the 3 second iirc, with arguments about being image-oriented and creating, maintaining and displaying images? vvv Just trying to clarify. I might be thinking about your arguments for sx 3 fix > sx 5, which at this point really seems like a no-brainer.
This idea quickly died out upon the (re)realization of the degree of my overall 5ishness, which for the people reading, likely requires little or no explanation. For most of my life, including presently, I am not and have not been particularly image-oriented, skilled in creating, maintaining, and displaying images in comparison to most who are 3 second or leading. -I do not have the sp/sx predator LOOK, so if I were sp/sx I'd be sp/sx prey. and...?-Another possibility within reason is SP/sx-->so/sp, but I don't really have that strong of an Sp wall in comparison to other SP/xx moving backwards(into either Sx/Sp or So/Sp). No, you really, really, really don't.I am the one who makes videos about the Neoplotinian conception of the cosmos and its relationship to the system, and 'comes downs upon' others... Ah, but when we make you a YouTube star as Antonio the Neopolitinan aka Plato in Naples with you philosophizing while eating pizza, then you will know who's producer. jk-I THINK BIG. I have 'big' dreams(though often repressed), 'big' ideas, and 'big' visions. I do so in a way unlikely to be seen in synflow stackings, and there's also a "birds eye view" element to it. mmm...idk. Unlikely to be seen so sweeping and overarching and sort of not personal in sp/sx. so/sx, SO/sx, or even sometimes sp/SO though....Sp 9 is also less likely, as Sp 9 is also generally, and more often than I, comfortable in their own skin, and very "push and shove," grumpy. It's not "imperious." There is an assertiveness to it, not particularly present in me. Well, they're both overall assertive; sp 9 is just that ^^, more 'push and shove'. Ask yourself why imperiousness isn't assertive?-More from adrian : "Anthony doesn't have a hauteur per se ( like you said Se PoLR doesn't really posses that) but a sort of dignified separateness. Enfant extraordinaire." Like who said?
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Post by Roshan on Nov 2, 2020 20:03:10 GMT -5
Things I’ve thought about and wanted to add: - During my ED, and just in general throughout the course of my life actually, I’ve almost always thought about events/circumstances having to do with myself and others as having, in some metaphorical(though often literal) sense, came from “god” to the point where I’ve ruthlessly criticized his/its design and have tried to actually “outsmart” or defeat it — nearly, if not to the point of legitimately Schizotypal delusion, because I’m thinking about it in those terms. “God/The structure of the world(or society) hates me/is unfair/etc” have never ‘just’ been figures of speech for me. Yes, the Platonic forms were against you...-Concerning the subwings, I've thought about 5w6(4w5) before as you all know, and do have genuine, consistent, and lasting (primarily experiential) reason for this. Roshan has referred to 5w4 specifically as 'disoriented,' as in wandering, lacking a center or orientation, and 5w6(4w5) as 'mildly disoriented,' or perhaps 'unfettered' in a way that their more consistently cooperative and collegial 5w6(6w7) cousins really aren't. I'm inclined to believe this fits. 5w4 head in the heart center, disoriented in the head center, lack of navigational compass in time and space, untethered, Bardo...already there is a notable difference between 5w4(4w3) and 5w4(6w5), which is tethered to 6 though on a loose leash and continually spanning over the 5/6 "Cartesian line" in calibrations. often doling out screeds
about what I know or what I've experienced, and while often substantive and important if I say so myself, are fissuring for the groups. They'll tend to 'tear down' as opposed to 'build up.'
all of which is also so/sp<--->sp/sx btw-5w6(4w5) is like an alchemist in a lab. There's a seeking of omniscience(5), eventually 'finding' it, and using those ideas in some way to differentiate myself from the Holy Origin. There is no emoji for assent with gravitas.
Are you listening, vincent?-If this configuration is correct, there's quite a lot going on. --- I'm in alpha quadra, Fe seeking(TiNe). --- Double attachment, 9 and 3. --- Double (4w5) and a counterflow stacking. So, there's going to be quite a bit of push-pull in regards to groups, people in general. And as stated above, a general awareness of the collective pool and a schematic of how it all works, despite being quite existentially alienated from it. Well, you're an alpha introvert without the roots of a Wisdom Tree, unlike SiFe. Your Si is aspirational but...the way up is the way down (Ne-->Si). You're getting there. Keep digging tall.
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anthony
Terra9Incognita
Posts: 1,537
Enneagram Core Fix: 9w1
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Post by anthony on Nov 2, 2020 20:31:18 GMT -5
The first, pithiest, and least controversial topic of discussion overall is the order of my last two fixes - 5w6 and 3w4. For a brief moment over the summer, there was a phase in which Robin had believed me to be 3 second in light of the arisen 'shame issues' with respect to my eating disorder and relationship with my ex-girlfriend, generalized vanity, and certain interpersonal/social issues related to my withholding of information that caused me to occasionally lie(deceit), both straightforwardly and by omission. Well during the brief moment didn't you also advocate for the 3 second iirc, with arguments about being image-oriented and creating, maintaining and displaying images? vvv Just trying to clarify. I might be thinking about your arguments for sx 3 fix > sx 5, which at this point really seems like a no-brainer.
Yes, I believe I was arguing exclusively for Sx 3 fix when speaking of maintaining and displaying images. What I meant, largely, was that I don't see or experience myself as particularly good at keeping up with an image that aligns with actual, current trends, which I see as relevant, given that a large part of maintaining a valuable image would have to do with this, I'd think. When I DO try to cultivate an image though, and it certainly is and does feel like cultivation, it's often neurotically/anxiously filtered through the head - a 5w6 'alchemy lab' that ultimately becomes obvious to other people ime, destroying the purpose of actually having the image itself, because it then appears as though I don't really know what I'm doing and am ultimately just 'testing.' Have I found myself VERY image-oriented at times, though? Obviously, though it tends to start becoming a head-related issue for me, to the point where just 'being'(identification) with the image is forgotten. This idea quickly died out upon the (re)realization of the degree of my overall 5ishness, which for the people reading, likely requires little or no explanation. For most of my life, including presently, I am not and have not been particularly image-oriented, skilled in creating, maintaining, and displaying images in comparison to most who are 3 second or leading. -I do not have the sp/sx predator LOOK, so if I were sp/sx I'd be sp/sx prey. and...? I was cataloguing points.-Another possibility within reason is SP/sx-->so/sp, but I don't really have that strong of an Sp wall in comparison to other SP/xx moving backwards(into either Sx/Sp or So/Sp). No, you really, really, really don't.I am the one who makes videos about the Neoplotinian conception of the cosmos and its relationship to the system, and 'comes downs upon' others... Ah, but when we make you a YouTube star as Antonio the Neopolitinan aka Plato in Naples with you philosophizing while eating pizza, then you will know who's producer. jk
By Zeus, this is not the case. -I THINK BIG. I have 'big' dreams(though often repressed), 'big' ideas, and 'big' visions. I do so in a way unlikely to be seen in synflow stackings, and there's also a "birds eye view" element to it. mmm...idk. Unlikely to be seen so sweeping and overarching and sort of not personal in sp/sx. so/sx, SO/sx, or even sometimes sp/SO though....
Agree with this upon second inspection.Sp 9 is also less likely, as Sp 9 is also generally, and more often than I, comfortable in their own skin, and very "push and shove," grumpy. It's not "imperious." There is an assertiveness to it, not particularly present in me. Well, they're both overall assertive; sp 9 is just that ^^, more 'push and shove'. Ask yourself why imperiousness isn't assertive?-More from adrian : "Anthony doesn't have a hauteur per se ( like you said Se PoLR doesn't really posses that) but a sort of dignified separateness. Enfant extraordinaire." Like who said?
Youuuuu
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anthony
Terra9Incognita
Posts: 1,537
Enneagram Core Fix: 9w1
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Post by anthony on Nov 2, 2020 20:35:13 GMT -5
Things I’ve thought about and wanted to add: - During my ED, and just in general throughout the course of my life actually, I’ve almost always thought about events/circumstances having to do with myself and others as having, in some metaphorical(though often literal) sense, came from “god” to the point where I’ve ruthlessly criticized his/its design and have tried to actually “outsmart” or defeat it — nearly, if not to the point of legitimately Schizotypal delusion, because I’m thinking about it in those terms. “God/The structure of the world(or society) hates me/is unfair/etc” have never ‘just’ been figures of speech for me. Yes, the Platonic forms were against you... It's hard to defeat the ineffable -Concerning the subwings, I've thought about 5w6(4w5) before as you all know, and do have genuine, consistent, and lasting (primarily experiential) reason for this. Roshan has referred to 5w4 specifically as 'disoriented,' as in wandering, lacking a center or orientation, and 5w6(4w5) as 'mildly disoriented,' or perhaps 'unfettered' in a way that their more consistently cooperative and collegial 5w6(6w7) cousins really aren't. I'm inclined to believe this fits. 5w4 head in the heart center, disoriented in the head center, lack of navigational compass in time and space, untethered, Bardo...already there is a notable difference between 5w4(4w3) and 5w4(6w5), which is tethered to 6 though on a loose leash and continually spanning over the 5/6 "Cartesian line" in calibrations. often doling out screeds
about what I know or what I've experienced, and while often substantive and important if I say so myself, are fissuring for the groups. They'll tend to 'tear down' as opposed to 'build up.'
all of which is also so/sp<--->sp/sx btw-5w6(4w5) is like an alchemist in a lab. There's a seeking of omniscience(5), eventually 'finding' it, and using those ideas in some way to differentiate myself from the Holy Origin. There is no emoji for assent with gravitas. Are you assenting to that conception of 5w6(4w5) or the fact that I do that? Or both?Are you listening, vincent ?-If this configuration is correct, there's quite a lot going on. --- I'm in alpha quadra, Fe seeking(TiNe). --- Double attachment, 9 and 3. --- Double (4w5) and a counterflow stacking. So, there's going to be quite a bit of push-pull in regards to groups, people in general. And as stated above, a general awareness of the collective pool and a schematic of how it all works, despite being quite existentially alienated from it. Well, you're an alpha introvert without the roots of a Wisdom Tree, unlike SiFe. Your Si is aspirational but...the way up is the way down (Ne-->Si). You're getting there. Keep digging tall.Believe me I'm trying.
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Post by Roshan on Nov 2, 2020 21:09:03 GMT -5
anthonyProboards seems to have had enough of quoting that thread so... "Are you assenting to that conception of 5w6(4w5) or the fact that I do that? Or both?"
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anthony
Terra9Incognita
Posts: 1,537
Enneagram Core Fix: 9w1
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Post by anthony on Nov 12, 2020 14:48:40 GMT -5
All configurations I believed were "reasonable" to consider(some I still do, some I don't), over a span of months ago until now. Heart: 3w4(4w5) fix. Head: 5w6(4w5) or 5w6(6w7) fix. Gut: 9w1(8w9) or 9w1(1w2) fix. Stackings: Sp/So, Sx/Sp, Sp/Sx, So/Sp Configurations: ------ sp/SO 9 - 3 - 5 in that order. (This I explored on my own, though it seems unlikely now) ------ sp/SO 9 - 5 - 3 (Still somehow a reasonable possibility, imo) ------ SP/sx 9 - 3 - 5 (Less likely imo) ------ so/SP 9 - 5 - 3 (Seemingly likely, though still clear issues with Social first...) ------ sx/SP 9 - 5 - 3 (Unlikely.) For Sx: Between Sx 9, Sx 5, and Sx 3, Sx 3 is the most likely. Everyone(myself included) seems to agree on this. Roshan says it's a no-brainer at this point. Also from Roshan: No prominent Sp wall. I see what you mean, certainly, though I'm not sure I would say that I don't have ANY Sp wall at all, especially compared to the Sp-lasters... Part of what makes this all difficult, is that I feel genuinely attuned to some degree, to all of my fixes. I feel the most... STUCK in Sp-related concerns. I can't not focus on them or be unaware and unattentive to them. Internal gauges are highly sensitive, always being registered back to me strongly. Lots of all-consuming anxiety in this area during periods of insecurity. At ease in Social-related concerns...until I'm NOT. There IS a playground-esque aspect to my engagement in Social, it's fun, it's distracting and I need to have some sort of...group, or even multiple individual persons to bounce ideas off of, despite my own self-experience as somewhat walled-off and autonomous. I'm very aware of when I've lost the people I've gathered. Having a group of people who I feel I can relate to, somehow, is important to me. Usually, this involves "people who I can think with" or have similar, esoteric interests to me(ugh I hate writing this), which is why BC's Social 5 description resonated so strongly. This area usually feels like something I want to EVENTUALLY "toy" with, though I don't feel capable of that right now. Unsuccessful and passively-worried about Sx related concerns. I have a hard time gauging my own true competency in this area, as it tends to feel somewhat alien to me. Success within it is important, and the focus is mostly peripheral until I feel enough shame over failure in it. Sx is accomplished mechanically for me. I don't really have a fear of dying or even being alone, though I do have a fear of not being able to attract people...either just as friends into my circle of people, or as partners. When I feel I've lost(such as with Taylah recently) this usually brings up a lot of shame and hopelessness. Writing the above, clearly, it sounds like Sp/So....though obviously there are issues with this. I am more confident that I'm likely Sx last, though my behavior during the eating disorder 'smudged' this to some degree. It makes sense to me, intuitively, that I'm starting from an area where there's "ground and air"(Sp and Social) and moving(range-wise) into a more intimate, one-one space. As far as 9w1(8w9) vs 9w1(1w2)...this is difficult and also tied into my ED, I think. For a long time, but not so much anymore, I heavily rejected anything to do with the 8 space. I always felt that I had it "in me" though, and I think I am more naturally robust and even occasionally brutish when the need comes. On the Emilio Carballido thread, Roshan talked about a "robustness" to his Se PoLR, where he, though Se PoLR, knew that the world around him wasn't. For me I'd say this has also been the most consistent pattern: amping up "solidity" and even rejecting others' over-sensitivity to get by. "You know this is the way the world is, right? It's rough." However, there's more than enough reason for 9w1(1w2) at the same time...so, more on this some other time. To avoid overcomplexifying all of this(by this point)...here's what I think: -- The thing that interferes with my "robustness" is Sx-related shame. The less shame I feel in that area, the more I tend to let my 'size' show, if that makes sense. This I know, for certain. -- None of my fixes are weak. The 5 is stronger than the 3, though. -- Nearly all, if not all of the typing exemplars that I'm the most similar to are synflow. This means something. -- I have a second variant stacking. -- I'm not sure if Sp 5 makes more sense than Social 5, though I could sort of see why. But, I'm not sure why Social 9 would make more sense than Sp 9, based on my modes of narcotization. I will leave it at this for now, and obviously what's written here is necessarily tentative, as these were unfiltered thoughts - things are missing here, and certain things may not be totally true, though more on this for later...
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anthony
Terra9Incognita
Posts: 1,537
Enneagram Core Fix: 9w1
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Post by anthony on Jan 2, 2021 1:14:04 GMT -5
Points covered in this video: (I'm going to edit this once I rewatch the video to see if I missed anything, and this will be done in the morning). -- My Sp is what I most strongly and most consciously recognize as a personal motivator, it's focus consumes me most, or nearly all of the time. I viewed Sp as "fitness" - a word I found on a site, which described Sp as: "Finally, SP-first issues revolve around: Am I healthy? Do I look good? How are my financial issues? How is that person’s financial issues? Am I hungry? etc. In other words, SP-firsts worry more about fitness. Fitness in general, of course, not necessarily just body fitness. Therefore, they worry more about how fit they are in their environment, as well as how fit other people are in their environment. They want to be fit. This represents more a potential energy, rather than mechanical and chemical energy. When someone leaves them… I guess perhaps they feel more unfit, since I’m sure they may rely on others to keep them fit. Though, its still more important for they themselves to be fit on their own." This isn't to make the definitive claim that Sp actually IS my dominant focus, although it is what I most consciously and most often recognize out of the three instincts. It, Sp, my "fitness," is ALSO the site for nearly all of my destructive neuroses. -- I lean towards Sx last, though not necessarily because of 'Sx-lastness.' It's more because of my Sp^, and because I see myself as having enough of a one-ish, social "megaphone-ing" quality(which I forgot to mention in the video). From what I do understand about Sx, I wouldn't say "Sx qualities" so to speak, are absent from me. I can't even confidently claim that they're MORE absent than Social qualities. -- Something I've noticed is that, to a large extent, my Social-related concerns really only arise once I can extrapolate how I'M threatened. My impulse is to "fix the social sphere" if I'm somehow gaining something from it. But it all has to do with me and what I'm getting out of it...if I can't see how the social sphere directly concerns me(such as with most political discussion), I don't tend to give too many shits. In an above post on here, I(but it was really Roshan ), mentioned the time when I wanted to organize a video-chatting room for Enneatude people. I remember explaining, and with better recall now, I think, that the motivation for that was so that I could get E-knowledge in an easier way and keep the group mended because I wanted to be "entertained"(sit and watch). -- I think part of my Social-last-like quality could come from the fact that I "hate" most people, even though that "hatred" isn't exactly explicit. I definitely have BOTH asocial and antisocial qualities, but due to my own insecurities, I think I've internalized enough of a resentful and envy(insecurity)-fueled disregard for "humanity" that I've learned to ignore it and even to passive-aggressively go "against" it(or at least desire to). Where I 'herr' most strongly to: sx last 9w1(1w2)-5w6(4w5)-3w4(4w5) still. Part of me wonders "but is it (1w2) on the 9?," because with so/SP(potentially) and 5w6 and 3w4, I'm inclined to think (1w2) might be too much 1. Although I think I'm just nitpicking at this point, and that 9w1(1w2) is a fine typing for me.
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anthony
Terra9Incognita
Posts: 1,537
Enneagram Core Fix: 9w1
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Post by anthony on Jan 2, 2021 19:55:10 GMT -5
Some clarifications: There were things I said in that video that came off differently than I intended, and also just some things I didn't convey as clearly as I'd hoped: -- I did have a reason for thinking I was sp/so. I thought my focus on topical "sp things" was quite strong at the time, and then I thought between "intense sex fueled image making"(so to speak) and "being social," the latter would've came second. Also, based on my participation in those E-communities, I was conveyed the sense that I wasn't "cool enough" for anything higher Sx, so I went with Sp/So. I had reasons, but they weren't good ones. -- From what I do remember, the reason we thought I was definitely synflow back on Enneatude was because, well, I seemed synflow. There were things about me being "too nice" but I cannot honestly make the claim that it was Roshan's primary reason for thinking I was synflow. I also didn't mean to convey, in my video, that I am at all annoyed about being perceived as "too nice," as this makes sense('INFPish'). -- When I spoke of how I viewed my own societal role, yes, it almost has nothing to do with 'society' itself, and all to do with discovering a sense of personal purpose and having MY OWN 'niche' from which I can have power. This isn't particularly noble of me. This is also something I constantly question: "Do I ACTUALLY care about this?" In an above post, my "big dreams" were mentioned -- this is what it is. The point isn't to have a 'role in society.' That's just the route I tend to take. The point is to create something, or HAVE something, that exists and will continue to exist past my death. If I write a book, it doesn't really matter to me if anyone reads it -- at least it exists. It's existence will concretize MY existence once I die. It shouldn't exist temporarily either. It should exist in a simultaneously physical and metaphysical way, and it's "form" will commune with the eternal one(yes this is REALLY how it feels). It's existence creates a channel of 'communication' between myself and the eternal. It makes me immortal(though there's that voice in me that goes "I'm immortal anyways"). It's like I have a constant struggle(and it IS rather constant) with finitude. Death is always imminent and it beats me every time. Can I somehow "master death?" Master my own impending death? Clearly, there's also "identity issues" wrapped up in that. That 3w4(4w5) anointed one in me feels like my identity was solidified "in the way that it is" before I was even alive, and that I somehow am starting from a position of having 'failed' and I need to reclaim this identity and 'extraordinary' destiny. "I'm already 'dead,' I failed already, what am I going to do now? I stand on desolate, forbidden ground, and I need to reclaim what I can from on top of this barrenness." -- When speaking about Taylah, I was referencing college. I struggled(and kept this struggle between Taylah and I) with proximity to her residence, and how I was spending money. I ultimately chose the "SP route" and went with conserving my money by attending community college. The "SP" won over the quality of our relationship. I was thinking futuristically though, if I saved money, things would be better for the both of us in the future. And yes I did feel like she was my only chance at having a relationship at the time, otherwise I wouldn't have fretted over "SP vs Taylah" in the way that I did.
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anthony
Terra9Incognita
Posts: 1,537
Enneagram Core Fix: 9w1
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Post by anthony on Jan 2, 2021 21:00:49 GMT -5
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anthony
Terra9Incognita
Posts: 1,537
Enneagram Core Fix: 9w1
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Post by anthony on Jan 2, 2021 22:51:33 GMT -5
(This is a post I may add to, but I decided to give typing with "impossibilities" a try -- in light of Amy's thread, since I normally don't) Some reasons I avoid just typing as sp/so: - My own "ghoulish" and "dirty" self-experience, which also for me translates to being somehow fundamentally repulsive, both mentally and physically(Kafka's "Metamorphosis": Gregor Samsa turns into a dung beetle and is ousted by his family). Which, suggests sp/sx. This may simply be due to the 'hole' factors in my configuration in tandem with my own personal insecurities. - I feel less systematically transactional and opportunistic in the way that sp/so is(business oriented) and more like a thief. My Sp "selfishness" isn't really served via "working with other people," in fact I instinctively tend to avoid this. I see myself as fundamentally independent, "an avarist"
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